Finally after more than year, I was able to follow up on my previous post.
A lot of things happened since that time. Most of them were hazy by now though. Some of the things that I can remember are being able to attend and present to various research conferences, taught a new high school level for the first time, learned a lot about brewing coffee, grabbed some opportunities to improve my finances, got dengue and survive, and apparently learned that having your trust betrayed after so many years ain’t the end of everything, but nevertheless still freaking hurts (so people who dismiss heartbreaks as trivial should just go and experience it again smh).
Life-altering events, whether positive or negative, causes stress. This is my most stressful year so far (and it isn’t over yet). And yet I cannot help but think that being introduced to positive psychology actually helped my resilience, just enough to weather the storms. This year also allowed me better understanding of myself. My personal core-values are a lot clearer now than they are last year. Maybe it’s because I’m approaching the end of my young adulthood.
In the previous months I started doubting the dreams and goals I’ve set for myself. I was back in a state of flux. People I work with and who are close to me told me as much that my life right now lacks direction. With all the talk I usually give about the importance of commitment, it’s ironic that I find myself being unable to commit to a path, fearing that this path ain’t the right one. But I’m taking my first steps again. I recognize my strengths and weaknesses better than before. And I am not completely clueless on what I want. Right now I am battling my demons, my insecurities, and being presented with an opportunity that I am avoiding before. Should I do it?
Well, I’ve done this in other areas of my life before. Leaving my comfort zone again isn’t the end of the world. We’ll see.
Guess I need to do this stuff again.
Just so I have content to show, I decided to write a short blurb about this blog, and myself as well. I am torn whether to import 10 years worth of blogging content here or just really start anew. Said content is cringe-worthy, but sentimentality can be arguably said to be one of my good (!) points.
Roughly for the past four years I repeatedly tried to start blogging again, only to be swamped by that thing we call real life. I started blogging when I was about to end my high school life, but the blogger life didn’t take off until on the second semester of my college freshman year. Life has this twisted sense of humor of tormenting young people around that age range, and I was no exception. It provided enough angsty material for my blog though.
Thinking about it now, my entire four-year stay in college can be said to be full of angst and teenage nonsense. Shoot me.
In this time and age though, with the prevalence of social media catering to the current generation’s short attention span through microblogging services and post updates, I’m starting to think that keeping a blog like this is passé. Despite that, there is certain beauty in vomiting your thoughts for the world to see the way that blogs do it.
Years ago I was one of those bloggers who joined the pilot testing of SM’s WiFi. Part of the reason is for the food, part of it is for the raffle (they’re giving away laptops man). I was approached back then by some reporter from Net 25 asking me what my blog was all about. I don’t remember what I said but I believe I didn’t made any sense (I was probably speaking gibberish at that time). It is embarrassing that only now that I can articulate what I wanted to say, which remains true to this day.
This is probably true for all bloggers, but I might as well explicitly state it. I maintain this blog primarily for my own self-satisfaction. This is my avenue of self-expression. I am an introvert, for me my inner world is as exciting as the world outside. Though you don’t share that opinion, I have this desire to share my world to this world. It would not make any sense probably, but this blog wasn’t about making sense anyway (on your part at least). This is my blog, so I guess it’s only fitting that everything here will center around me. This is my narrative. It intersects with other people’s narratives, yes. But it is my narrative and mine alone. And you get to see life as I construct it through my own narrative lens.
This might have been longer than I intended it to be. Can’t help it, probably because of the rain outside. Anyway, I’m stopping for now. Goodnight.